(Very) Late Feelings of Home

A late bloomer at this point, but I guess I’m meant for it. I struggled with finding a suitable image when thinking of home back when we shared personal items. Having lived the majority of my life in an apartment building, including scheduled visits to my mother’s house every other weekend made me feel disjointed during class. Toys, posters, even clothes or furniture begin not to mean much when they come, go, or become replaced with similar devices somewhere else – one example being my brother who wanted the exact same set of toys at both of our parents’ homes. It began coincidentally with Power Rangers – it ended with Lego. This relates to class due to how tangible virtually everything can be, and how capable they are in regards to replacement or liquidation. Hell – in Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, we see an idea of what a home is in the contrasting views of James and Muriel, and how they eventually build a dream house that is a departure from what the house originally was. We see the former state of the house destroyed and built into something that feels rather hollow – not even when the walls weren’t put up yet, but with how the view of a home can be distinct. A place to live, eat, sleep, or simply just to exist. The regard for home varies on the individual, and I suppose that in itself can be worth writing about under a different setting.

Eventually, marital and financial issues affected our mother and then we were forced to gather what we could before it was to be thrown out. Keep in mind, I said a few. In the efforts to show my excuse relation to the text – anything can be bought or sold – or abandoned. Especially if your home is on mortgage (mom) or on the long-term rent (dad) for several odd years. Let’s not take into consideration for those in military families who move from place to place, natural disasters, or simply getting kicked out. I’m not only considering the property of a home, but property in general – which can relate to financial ownership (or lack thereof in regards to Inside Job or The Big Short), while also that of living property in A Mercy.

Maybe I find my idea of “home” in my journal (the item I chose) as both a shield and of extremely personal value in favor of what can be easily taken away or diminished. Maybe that’s also why I feel a similar resonance in music (cue “Isolation” by John Lennon). It was either gonna be that, or the hat I rarely go anywhere without – be it on my head or tucked within my bag. In my experience being here (e.g. on campus and apparently furthering my education), I feel more “at home” because I can certainly do, decide, and be more of myself. Maybe these aforementioned perceptions have affected the way I view the idea of a home, but it can certainly be anywhere – just as much as it can easily be torn down or unwillingly vacated from our lives.

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