Having Faith in Doubt; Having Doubt in Faith

“Doubt is the big machine.  It grinds up the delusions of women and men.” — Victor Lavalle

As I begin writing my final reflection essay, I remind myself that at the same time, the act of writing this reflection marks not only the symbolic closing of a chapter — English 337: African American Literature, but the closing of a book: my college career.

Continue reading “Having Faith in Doubt; Having Doubt in Faith”

We Do Language

Word-work is sublime, she thinks, because it is generative; it makes meaning that secures our human difference— the way in which we are like no other life.

We die. That may be the meaning of our life. But we do language. That may be the measure of our lives.

At the beginning of the semester, I selected the above epigraph by Toni Morrison to ground myself in the course texts for African-American Literature. I was drawn to this epigraph because it seemed to connect many of the earliest sources we encountered, including Call and Response, Big Machine, The Songs are Free, and “The danger of a single story.” Considering these sources in my first blog post, “Occupation of Space,” I indicated that my goal for the semester was to understand the use of space with relation to the course texts in order to better understand how language is a measure of life. I quickly found that if I were to focus exclusively on this goal, I would be missing the depth and breadth of African-American literature. That’s not to say that space was absent or less relevant in certain texts, but rather that observing space could not satisfy my need to examine the many facets of the literature. However, I was able to hold onto my selected course epigraph throughout the semester, and with the accumulation of texts I have developed a greater understanding of and appreciation for Morrison’s words. Continue reading “We Do Language”

Moving on From the Either/Or to the Both/And

“My job is to notice… and to notice that you can notice”-Dionne Brand

Something that I’ve always found myself doing is categorizing things as I’ve always thought I was making my life simpler by doing this. However, as I began to engage with the texts assigned for this African-American literature class this semester, I started to realize how incredibly difficult and dangerous it is to put a single definition on something or someone as it causes a sense of restriction on the person or object. As I look back at the incredibly varied literature that we have engaged with this semester I have noticed that we have been presented with different perspectives to look through and it is up to us, as the readers, to notice these differences and then notice that they are all just as valid as one another because there is not just one way in which we can define anything or anybody.

In the context of my semester, this is what I believe Dionne Brand is saying when she says, “My job is to notice… and to notice that you can notice”. One must first notice their own perspective or definition of things. Then, they must also notice that their perspective or definition isn’t the definitive one, meaning that things in life are always open to interpretation and are not to be restricted to a single definition. Continue reading “Moving on From the Either/Or to the Both/And”

A Semester in Review: Exploring the Many Sides of Bias

surely i am able to write poems
celebrating grass and how the blue
in the sky can flow green or red
and the waters lean against the
chesapeake shore like a familiar
poems about nature and landscape
surely     but whenever i begin
“the trees wave their knotted branches
and…”     why
is there under that poem always
an other poem?

— Lucille Clifton

When I approached this assignment originally, I felt sure of my choice to use the Toni Morrison epigraph from her 1993 Nobel Lecture.  I’m actively surprising and challenging myself by using an epigraph that to be honest, did not stick out to me until the very morning that I sat down to start this reflective blog post. Continue reading “A Semester in Review: Exploring the Many Sides of Bias”

Recursion, Feedback, and Friction in Lucille Clifton’s “surely i am able to write poems”

surely i am able to write poems

celebrating grass and how the blue

in the sky can flow green or red

and the waters lean against the

chesapeake shore like a familiar

poems about nature and landscape

surely     but whenever i begin

“the trees wave their knotted branches

and…”     why

is there under that poem always

an other poem?

–– Lucille Clifton

Continue reading “Recursion, Feedback, and Friction in Lucille Clifton’s “surely i am able to write poems””

“under that poem always an other poem” Can we as readers really find the true meaning of the author?

Lucille thinks that poems don’t need to be as black and white;

“Surely I am able to write poems celebrating grass and how the blue in the sky can flow green or red and the waters lean against the Chesapeake shore like a familiar poems about nature and landscape surely but whenever I begin ‘the trees wave their knotted branches and…’  Why is there under that poem always an other poem?” — Lucille Clifton(English 337 syllabus)

Anyone can write a poem but what makes the poem or whatever was written matter is the words that are chosen to say within the poem. The way that nature is absorbed within the society can be harmful and helpful. The group blog post we talked about having to SEE (Social, Environmental and Economical) ways that we all impact the way the world works.Having seen this it is our job as humans to reflect on the way things are done in order to fix or adapt to have a better lifestyle,“The goal of sustainability, derived from the U.S. National Environmental Policy Act of 1969 (NEPA), is to,‘create and maintain conditions, under which humans and nature can exist in productive harmony, that permit fulfilling the social, economic, and other requirements of present and future generations’”(EPA Sustainability Primer). There is only one earth that we live on and must take care of it in order to live successfully together.

 

The idea of consent may come to mind when thinking of what people may think of when they hear the word take care of earth. There are people and organizations that work together in order to take care of the environment because nature isn’t able to verbally speak for itself.Nature doesn’t give consent to what the people have done or will do to Earth next in the future. Some people may say that the weather being able to give us as humans signs that something is wrong,

“For example, when we first came to this land, we were very excited about the potential for renovating an existing overgrown swamp into a pond for swimming and irrigation. Intuitively, we could tell that the swamp held a concentration of spiritual energy, so we felt that we needed to ask permission before moving earth and disturbing the ecosystem” (Chapter 3,Penniman’s Farming While Black).

Showing that some people appreciate what the land is able to provide and respecting it while considering the possibilities that could help benefit both themselves and the land. The practice of wanting to learn more about ways to help makes watching feel like being watched. I’ve never noticed that while watching tv I am being watched by the people on tv watching the cameras allowing me to notice things that some of the writers have written for the actors/ TV “news” people to tell me.

 

However what I’m watching and listening to can be misinterpreted by the way shown or represented.The thought of consent isn’t always clear because when most people think of consent it is referred to as physical consent like asking to be touched in a way that may be considered sexual activity or an act of hugging or kissing. Within Big Machine consent is mentioned when orders are given to do something to someone,“Did you really want to kill Solomon clay? I asked myself as I dressed. Just because the dean and Mrs.henry told you to? When I reached the empty lobby, I saw the clock hanging inside the motel clerk’s cage. It read ten-fifteen, and I assumed the gray lady had left without me,” (Big Machine, 129-130). There are several ways to look at this… one way is that sometimes when a person’s life becomes threatened or someone “knows too much” they would be better off dead. Questioning if someone told you to do something may seem wrong sometimes but you almost always have the last say so. Showing in light that death can be both positive and negative even if it wasn’t done by accident, “She said ‘doubt is the big machine. It grinds up the delusions of women and men,”(Big Machine,pg 205).Making it seem as if doubt is what drives humans to the conclusions of what should and shouldn’t happen similar to common sense, although it may not feel right knowing it is the right thing to do because sometimes the brain and your gut feeling don’t always agree.

 

This English 337 class has made me notice some things that I have taken for granted not only life itself but also the nature around me. I have noticed that somethings aren’t meant to be clear and laid out like a poem it can be messy and full of hidden messages that were not thought of before. From this class I have recycled more because I have realized that when it snows one day and then two days later its warmer outside then switches back to cold that the climate is changing because of the humans that don’t take the time to reflect and care about what’s happening. Lucille asks “why is there always a poem under a poem” is what stood out to me the most because it shows that a class is not only a class and a grade is not only a grade but it is based on how well you tried to understand a concept and how well you have grown over time.

 

Who owns you?

The poem “Mistress stella speaks,” by Tyehimba Jess is about a mistress who is owned and is taken advantage of. The first thing that I noticed from the poem was the title. The mistress’s name is not capitalized and I feel like that is what caught my attention. My biggest pet peeve as a child was seeing my name in lower case letters. I remember being taught in elementary school that names should always be capitalized just as nouns or important things like titles or locations are capitalized. It signifies that your name is what defines you and gives it importance. If someone called me by a number or something else that was other than my name I would feel disrespected. Unless that person was given consent to call me by another nickname or another word, it isn’t allowed.

[At the beginning of the semester, Professor Beth McCoy explains the idea of consent by choosing a student from the class to act out what it would be like to not respect another person’s boundaries by not asking for consent before touching their head. This semester in class she asked Toby to sit down and she asked him if she could touch his head, Toby said sure. The second time comes around and we’re acting like its the next day or so, she goes up to him and asks again. Toby says NO. Professor Beth McCoy then says, “..but you let me touch your head the other day… why can’t I do it again?” She was showing that just because someone allows you to do something once, doesn’t mean you should take advantage of the one time they gave you consent. ]

So when I read the poem, “Mistress stella speaks,” by Tyehimba Jess, I had an idea of what the poem would be about. I thought about disrespect and possession from the Mistress’s husband but it was the other way around. The Mistress feels as if she actually owns her husband. Title tricks you into thinking that the Mistress is owned and is speaking up about her mistreatment but in all actuality, although she may not be respected as much and he always runs back to her and this to her means that she owns him.

Without her, he has no one else to run back to.

 

 

Social Media today vs. Dick and Jane

The Storybook Treasury of Dick and Jane and Friends by William S. Gray is a book that proposes the idea of a perfect household and family as I’ve stated in a recent blog post.

Dick and Jane:

“Here is the house. It is green and white. It has a red door. It is very pretty. Here is the family. Mother, Father, Dick, and Jane live in the green-and-white house. They are very happy. See Jane. She has a red dress She wants to play. Who will play with Jane? See the cat. It goes meow-meow. Come and play. Come play with Jane. The kitten will not play. See Mother. Mother is very nice. Mother, will you play with Jane? Mother laughs. Laugh, Mother, laugh. See Father. He is big and strong. Father, will you play with Jane? Father is smiling. Smile, Father, smile. See the dog. Bowwow goes the dog. Do you want to play with Jane? See the dog run. Run, dog, run. Look, look. Here comes a friend. The Friend will play with Jane. They will play a good game. Play, Jane, play”

Instagram is also a social media website and application that allows people to post how they feel, what they look like and what they are doing. On Instagram most people post selfies with families or friends, they post themselves losing weight, traveling, they post themselves getting their teeth whitened or receiving a certificate from a ceremony. Which is all great but no one ever posts when their crying unless its a joke, or real arguments between family and friends, or finding out bad news or anything negative.

I find that these two topics relate to our course because as I’ve said before, Dick and Jane proposes the idea that to have a perfect household or to live up to specific standards to live happily, you must be white, live in a nice house, have two parents that play with you and a dog too! In our African-American literature class, we focus on what African American slave narratives want us to focus on, we focus on authenticity and follow into what Dionne Brand wants, She said: “My job is to notice…and to notice that you can notice.” Although these are two topics we haven’t really discussed in class, I think it’s important to be aware of the similarities that exist between books that we’ve read and what is going on today and to see how much has changed. Regardless of ethnic background or “race” people just care about their image and they always have.

Dick and Jane was written during the 1930s. What was going on during the 1930’s? The Great Depression…Everyone was struggling, White, Black, Native American, etc., but the perfect household was white and wealthy. For that time period it might’ve been realistic in terms of race but wealth wise, it was not.

 

Procrastination, Growth and Less Pressure

I put off writing this final blog post more than Ricky Rice kept putting off using the bag of drugs he was carrying. Procrastination can come in many forms, some that are positive and some that are negative. In my case it was negative because I avoided something that could have been done earlier and bettered my writing, while he avoided something that would have set him back years and possibly ruined his opportunity for growth. That is the one thing that I will say Ricky Rice has demonstrated in Big Machine, growth. While it proved that ultimately he had no idea what he was getting himself into, he still developed as an individual along the way. It is not common that you hear someone say that procrastination can lead to growth which is why it is particularly fascinating that in Ricky’s case, it did. Continue reading “Procrastination, Growth and Less Pressure”

Allowing the Face of Goodness to Surprise You

Naturally as a historian it is my job to be inquisitive about both sides to every story. Of course not every historian does this, in fact many don’t, but in my opinion it is the best way to examine history and extract the truth from any story. In asking questions about both sides of a story or being more inquisitive into the life of someone who has always been portrayed as a villain, you will find that things are often not what they seem or not what you have been told. I find this especially interesting in today’s time where social media and digital media in general plays such a heavy influence in the ideas and beliefs of people around the world. Take a moment to think about that. An idea about a person or group of people can be shared around the world instantaneously whether or not it is truthful. For some this plays out well and they are able to transcend into fame and fortune, but for others, this spread of information can make them unable to exist comfortably in any spaces. Continue reading “Allowing the Face of Goodness to Surprise You”