When I first started to write this blog post, I began with “I have been struggling…” and immediately hated how that sounded. As a student and future teacher, I have decided to never use the word “struggling” when describing work performance again. Instead, I want to say “need more support with”. The reason I say that “I need more support with” is because I believe I need more support with vocalizing myself and my ideas. This past week, we were working on a collaborative blog post and I realized that I focus way to much on the expectations of my professor and peers rather than taking the time to just speak my mind and the ideas I have. However, for the split second that I did forget about the expectations of others, I voiced my opinion and my group members built upon what I had to contribute, which is always a great feeling.
When I first came to college, I really wanted to become an art teacher, planning to concentrate in the arts. However, coming to Geneseo, there were not many arts available to me so I decided to concentrate in English. Over the past few semesters, I have needed a lot of support because this subject matter did not come as natural to me as it did to many, therefore I began to focus a lot on expectations. My professor in my Reading and Writing Process class once said, “expectations at home are different from expectations in school” which really spoke to me because I feel as though at home, I can speak without having to overthink, where in a lot of my classes here, I think I always have to sound like a sophisticated scholar and lose myself. Even in my class with McCoy, we spoke about expectations of college and how they differ from home; here, we speak as intellectuals where at home, for many of us, it can be rude to speak as an intellectual because our parents weren’t given the same opportunities and can’t relate. These differing expectations can cause many, including myself, to be constantly confused.
This past week has definitely changed a lot for me; the more comfortable I got with my group, the more I realized that their expectations of me presenting myself as a sophisticated scholar was not as intense as I thought it would be. They also changed my opinions on being an English concentration; I don’t need to speak eloquently to contribute great ideas, and when you do contribute someone is bound to have something great to add. I guess that these past few semesters I thought that what I contributed had to be the best thing anyone has every said, which isn’t true. We are all speaking out loud and when we do, great things can happen, giving each other the support that we all need.
McCoy’s class has taught me a lot about myself and the kind of teacher I want to be. After reading Jenna Doolan’s blog, “Hey! Teacher! Leave us kids alone!”, I realized that I related a lot to how she felt going into college. I always knew that I wanted to be a teacher, but I am constantly questioning the type of educator I want to be. I was given the opportunity through this class to figure out more of the type of teacher I want to be, despite the subject matter. For instance, we talk a lot about consent in McCoy’s class and its importance. Although consent is often connected to consensual or nonconsensual sexual activities, it applies to many other areas as well. As individuals, we have the right to consent to anything we want, such as giving hugs, showing affection, any type of physical contact, and simple communication. If we don’t give consent for someone to do something and feel uncomfortable, we have the right to say “no”. It is also okay to give consent to people so they know it is okay to approach them with confidence. For instance, McCoy gives her consent to all her students to come into her office when ever we want for a shoulder to lean on and advice. It is our choice as individuals to take this opportunity. This has inspired me as a future teacher; I want my students to know that my classroom is a safe place and that I give my consent for them to approach me for anything they need, whether it is advice, a place to cry, laugh, or need a hug. As a class, we recently read “Heartbeats” by Melvin Dixon, and the last line of the poem has stuck with me since: “Sweet heart. Don’t stop. Breath in. Breath out.”. Although this poem is long, I think the last line can speak to many scholars that have trouble dealing with expectations. Just like McCoy’s class, I want my future students to feel safe and that it is okay to express yourself and to take a breath as long as we keep moving forward.