Too Insecure

From birth to now, I have always been aware. Aware that I was most likely lesser off than someone else, had looked different, even lived differently. When I was younger I often found myself to be insecure about the way I lived. When my parents divorced, I was split right down the middle. I moved between the two different homes on Friday at the Stewarts Shops at 4 pm on the dot. Never earlier and never later. 

Kids found it different, considering divorce wasn’t common in my area at that time. They always wondered why I would bring a large backpack packed to the brim with stuff if I stayed an extra night at either home and didn’t have time to return my items. I remember having to sit with a woman and talk about how I felt regarding the situation and if I was comfortable and enjoyed both places where I resided. 

Traveling between the two houses made me feel as if I was transforming just as much as my lifestyle would. My dad was always super easy going and a lot more carefree. On the other hand, my mom was a lot more strict and had more structure, yet was also a bit easy going. I had to be more aware and alert when at her house, she always challenged me mentally and encouraged me to do as much as I could for school to better myself. My dad was the opposite, though he did encourage school work, there was a lot less to be worried about. 

Despite that, I was always insecure. My lifestyle revolved around that idea. My father was an older man and struggled to find a steady job, until he eventually retired. Money was always tight but there was often wiggle room. We would eat the same things, and a lot of pasta, only because it was the cheapest. An article from Hunger and Health (Feeding America) states, “An estimated 1 in 9 Americans were food insecure, equating to over 37 million Americans, including more than 11 million children.”  Beginning at a young age I had become food insecure, not even realizing that it was a real thing.  

As I grew up and was able to become more independent, I would go out to eat with my friends and become insecure about what to order.  I didn’t want to order big meals because that would cost more money and I only had a small amount to spend every couple of weeks. However, my friends weren’t necessarily in the same situation as I was growing up so they would buy whatever they wanted and ended up wasting half of the food at whichever place we decided to go to, which I could never imagine doing.  

Growing up on a tight budget between both households, has taught me to manage the money I do have at any given time and not spend it on pointless things.  It has also allowed me to gain self control and appreciate the true value of a dollar. I have learned to become less insecure about the situation I have been raised in and make the most of it because there are more people in this world that live the same as I do, if not worse.

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