Over this semester and throughout the class, I have learned many things regarding African American literature and delved deeper into the main topics of the course. From one of the first things we analyzed “African Fractals” by Ron Eglash, many of the ideas discussed in the Ted Talk have proven to remain true throughout the rest of the course, similarly to how they related to the course works back in January. After reading The Water Cure by Percival Everett, it is evident that the theme of infinity discussed in African Fractals has remained true and was displayed in the novel. By evaluating my progression thus far, my understanding of the purpose of the course has broadened immensely and I believe I have grown as not only a student but a person in many ways.
In diving back into my Seed Shape Essay from earlier in the semester, I discussed the meaning of the term “seed shape” which was used by Eglash in his Ted Talk. He defined the term as essentially, “A set whose number of elements whose sum was larger than infinity”(Eglash 0:42). He defines seed shapes because he wants to emphasize the idea of infinity and never-ending points and how this relates to African American culture. This idea of infinity has remained consistent throughout the entirety of the course and as we read our last book, The Water Cure, it is evident that the theme has remained consistent in several ways. The novel revolves around a man named Ishmael Kidder who is suffering with immense grief with the loss of his eleven-year-old daughter Jane. She was tragically raped and murdered, a horrific story that evidently changes Kidder and puts him in a state of anger, and sadness, and leaves him craving justice. Overall the course of the novel, one of the main terms we have used is “may or may not”. This phrase has come from the idea that Kidder may or may not have abducted the man whom he presumes to be responsible for the loss of his daughter and trapped him in his basement to torture him. Interestingly, Ishmael uses the words “forever” and “infinity” many times throughout the novel, relating to the theme of infinity in “African Fractals”. In the text, Kidder says, “We can count forever. That is infinity, so to speak. But we do not have names for most of the numbers in the world of infinity. This is one million: 1,000,000….We do not have infinite words. But we could”(25). This idea is very similar to the idea expressed by Eglash with African Fractals that seed shapes are a never-ending set of elements (Eglash 0:42). Although this idea expressed by Kidder may seem random, upon diving deeper into the text, it becomes more clear as to why he included this in the novel. Kidder’s daughter was murdered, which is a horror that he will live with forever and a pain he will never be able to forget. Grief is a seed shape that will forever be in his life, as it is something that has permanently changed his life. Because of this, Kidder “may or may not” want to inflict permanent pain on Art, the man he claims is responsible for the murder of his daughter. In the novel, Kidder says, “I wanted him to have the company of infinite incidence and refraction, unending repetition, the forever drip drip drip of his own image”(129). This was said by Kidder when describing a torture technique he used on Art. He decides to torture Art in this way because he wants Art to be forever unsettled in the same way that Kidder will be due to the trauma he has faced. In one of Kidder’s final monologues of the novel, he discusses how he released Art and why he made the choice to do so. In following the theme of infinity, he seems to release him with the knowledge that Art will forever be terrified of the possibility that he could come back to find him again. In deciding not to end his life, Kidder is almost more cruel by instilling a fear in him that will follow him forever. This idea is very similar to the idea of seed shapes since no matter how long they go, there will never be an end and infinity is the result of not only the repetition of the seed shape but Art’s fear. Kidder says, “If I found you once I will find you again, almost, almost peace, as I want the terror in your heart to remain pure, I want the terror to wake you in the morning and sleep with you at night … and remember, know that I have killed, will kill, and that is only part of what instills fear, that what chills your blood is that I can give life, that it is my gift to give…(252). Kidder shows that he wants the fear Art experiences to be infinite and almost become who he is. This idea relates to the overarching theme of infinity seen in “African Fractals”, the course as a whole, and The Water Cure.
In relating this idea of forever back to the course, Kidder was also shown to use the word “forever” when going into a monologue about permanence, a theme we have discussed. Kidder said, “ But of course no change is permanent, and so permanence is never complete. And so we are forever what we are, changes or not…(170). I found this statement to be interesting and one that I did not necessarily agree with completely. I disagree with the phrase “We are forever what we are”. I disproved that idea simply by taking this course. When I started the class, I came into it completely blind as to what we would be learning. I felt we would be reading novels I had seen many times before then from my previous years of schooling. I truly was not prepared for the way mindset would open up the way it has. This class has helped me learn how to dig deeper into things, analyze texts while considering every side, and think more philosophically about texts I may once have seen as black and white. Even with novels such as Octavia Butler’s Bloodchild, a story that seemed so obviously like a slave narrative, I was able to consider other points and realize why Butler had not aimed for the story to be interpreted that way. Throughout the entirety of the course, I have learned so much about myself not only as a student but as a person. I came into the course as a more shy type of student. I rarely would raise my hand in classes, unless trying to bring up my participation grade, and felt what I had to say wasn’t important enough to share. This course has helped me to become more confident in my thoughts, include myself in group and class discussions, and share my thoughts with the class when I previously would not have done so. It is for those reasons that I somewhat disagree with Kidder. I think that people can change and growth is possible, although that idea is incredibly situational. I agreed with Kidder, when he said “Permanence is never complete”. I also believe that change is never done. In group discussions, we agreed that the novel felt as though it was not complete which is why we found it an interesting novel to wrap up a course with. After analyzing these thoughts further, we came to a consensus that this may have been an intentional choice to get us thinking about infinity and forever. Much like how the novel did not feel complete, this class should not feel complete. We should take the ideas of the course with us throughout our lives as we continue to learn, grow, and change as individuals. I believe the idea of infinity was around me the entire time I was in the class, and it took reading The Water Cure for me to fully understand the weight of the idea of infinity.
Throughout the entirety of this course, there has been a recurring seed shape of infinity and what that truly means. From the beginning of the class when talking about African Fractals and recurion these themes have shown to be continuous in the rest of the semester. The idea of forever can be interpreted in many different ways including a more scientific perspective that fractals never end, the permanent fear that Art will feel, the forever pain that Kidder will feel, the infinite importance of this course, and the lessons that we will take with us. After completing this class, I can confidently say that I have vastly grown and realized the importance of forever learning and taking forth the knowledge acquired within the semester.