The fall ‘24 semester was the toughest yet. Throughout the semester I challenged myself, I felt defeated, I felt happy, I felt drained, and I kept going. Lauren’s Journey in Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler reminds me of the events I encountered during the fall ‘24 semester. I feel as though I relate to Lauren, but I also want to help her, this reflects upon my wanting to help myself as well as the profession that I am going into, which is teaching. As a teacher, I want to help younger children not only to learn, but also to find themselves, and fight for themselves to encounter anything that comes their way. To succeed in my goal, I first need to help myself and learn how to encounter battles on my own. The fall ‘24 semester has helped me face these battles and shown me what I am truly capable of. During my semester I reflect upon the concepts of good faith, trust, foreclosure, incentives, and pressure.
A week before this semester started, I was getting ready to move back to Geneseo and start my last year of college. I felt content as I was still living in my house with my family and had the support of my loved ones for the whole summer, but part of me was excited to move into my new apartment with my friends whom I had not seen for three months. As I began Parable of the Sower, it reminded me of how I felt right before I moved to school, Lauren and I both were living at home with our families content. As I enjoyed the last few days of being at home before moving back, I got a little sad thinking about how I won’t have my home gym anymore, how I won’t have as much free time, and how I won’t have my family to live with, but I trusted Geneseo which kept me at ease. It was not out of the blue for me to feel upset about coming back, because I usually did, but I kept reminding myself that this is always how I feel, and once I got to school I would be so distracted that I wouldn’t have time to dwell on what I am missing from home and adjust just fine, how I usually do. The first few days of moving to school were great, I got to spend time with my friends I hadn’t seen in three months and get used to my new schedule as I still had a good amount of free time. Around the second week of school, I felt like I was drowning in homework with such a small amount of time to complete it. On top of this, I would come home from super stressful days to a very quiet apartment. I was not used to this because I had lived with 17 girls the year prior, and now it was only 3. I thrived from spending time with my friends in that big house as they distracted me from my academic load. I felt as though I was missing this in my new apartment. I felt very lonely. I felt foreclosed on, from my home with my family and all of my favorite things I had back at home. I felt similar feelings that Lauren felt when she lost her house and her family. Lauren was alone, wandering and looking for someone to support her.
As the semester progressed, I began to get used to the adjustment of the workload, the quietness of my apartment, and the stress. With stress came pressure, as I always felt pressure to start a new assignment to get ahead on time even if I had just finished one. I knew I deserved and should take a rest day, but something about that made me feel guilty because nothing comes from nothing, as quoted in King Lear (Shakespeare et al., 2007). If I did no homework all day, I would get nothing done, and that would feel like a waste of a day. I felt like I was always worrying about what I had to do next even if I had completed 5 assignments in one day! This made me feel like Lauren as she had been traveling for days and weeks and wanted a rest day so badly but said it wasn’t time yet (Butler, 1993). Through this pressure, I began to find a balance, and I began to learn more about myself that I didn’t know before this semester. I learned that my planner was my best friend, and by staying on top of my work two weeks in advance eased my mind. I also learned that I am not someone who can grind out my homework for multiple hours of the day, and I work better by working every day, but for shorter periods of time. By looking at the assignments I had due within two weeks, I could spread them out so that I could focus on 2-3 assignments a day, which helped reduce my cognitive overload. I got used to focusing on homework for about 2-3 hours a day, and sometimes if I was lucky, I’d get a day off and feel okay with letting myself have a break. I formed stronger connections and friendships with my classmates as we were going through the stress and pressure together. We leaned on each other with questions and support and came together as one to tackle the semester. I got used to my quiet apartment and tried to plan an hour out of every couple of days for a social activity with friends, even if that meant going grocery shopping together, because being with my friends made me happy.
As the semester is coming to an end, I feel like I can relate to Lauren’s journey, on a much smaller scale of course. As she headed up North, she picked up Allie, Jill, Bankole, and others who supported her every day, as she returned the favor to support them as well. I also made friends to support me in my classes, as I tried my best to support them too. My friends outside of my classes were also a great support system to get my mind off of school and share laughs with. As the semester comes to an end, I also recognize my professors who are in good faith and recognize and appreciate my hard work throughout the semester. This makes me feel happy inside as I love forming connections in general. I am very appreciative of these professors and that I got the chance to meet and work with them and learn their personalities which I hadn’t known back in August. As I come to the last few days of the semester, I recognize what I have learned about myself, and all that I have accomplished that I didn’t know I could do. I feel very proud of myself and realize that even though the days felt long, the weeks felt so short. I guess it is true that time flies when you are busy!
If I were to do this semester again, I would tell myself to relax and reassure myself that even if it feels impossible, I can do it. I would tell myself that my mental health is more important than school, and learning how to cope with a big workload is key. I would remind myself to lean on my friends and family for support and to look on the bright side, that I am so fortunate to have an amazing family and home life that makes being away from home so hard. I now know that no semester can be as hard as this one, and that brings me peace as I think about next semester.
As I think about only having one semester left at Geneseo, I think about the future ahead of me and having a classroom one day doing what I love… but there is the thought of expulsion that comes to my mind every so often. The thought of being expelled from my college life. From my friends, my sorority, my apartment, and my routine. As this thought comes to my mind, I have begun to think about how in life you encounter many expulsions, sometimes they’re big and sometimes small. You experience expulsion leaving your elementary school at 5th grade to move to middle school. Once you leave are in high school you experience expulsion of free education, and all of your high school moments, homecoming, high school sports, and high school football games. Leaving college will be another expulsion in my life, but I will get through it just as I got through the others. And after this, I will experience more as I find new jobs and leave old ones, officially move out of my parent’s house, and more that I don’t know yet. As I feel expelled throughout my life, I will remember back to how I have gotten through tough situations, and how Lauren has as well.
Works Cited
Butler, O. E. (1993). Parable of the Sower. Four Walls Eight Windows:
Shakespeare, W., Raffel, B., & Bloom, H. (2007). King lear. Yale University Press.